A little over a year ago I made this blog post and I changed my blog name to dreams are calling. (which I still love btw) But I changed it to that because I was figuring out how to reach my dreams and make them a reality and this blog was supposed to document that. But that's not really the case anymore.
Truth is, all these people I went to school with, a lot of them are now at university, college or apprenticeships. A lot have jobs and are working their way up to where they would like to be. Some have moved out of their parents home. Some are even in long term relationships and are having babies.
Now, I'm not saying I want to start a family at this age. (That's definitely not the case) And I do have a job that I've been at for about two years now. But I feel stuck in a rut. A year ago I thought I knew exactly what I want out of life. Now, I'm not sure at all. And I often feel as though I'm going to be left behind in this small town whilst everyone else has these amazing lives.
I know I want to travel. I want to travel literally everywhere. And I enjoy art, photography, fashion and I've recently discovered I quite like filming. And I do enjoy writing this blog -even if there's barely anyone in the world who cares what I have to say. But those are hobbies, not a job. I guess I'm trying to find a job that I can use those things in.
There's currently a lot of negative thoughts in my head, one reason why I've taken a back seat to blogging for a couple of weeks. You see the thing is, I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Its not really something I talk about a lot, but those things are the reason I quit college, the reason I haven't learnt to drive and more than often why I'm scared to try new things. My mind tends to take control and stop me from doing things outside of my comfort zone.
I need to start being more positive and stop focusing on the "what ifs?" I need to take more risks and say yes to more things. I have zero self confidence and that needs to change drastically. Maybe then I'll learn what I want out of life.
Because let's face it, I'm the only one that can do these things for myself. And well, I like to document things, so I'll try and do that here.